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Friday, February 4, 2011
Your son or daughter...
What if your son/daughter came home and introduced their same sex friend as their new boy/girl friend? How would you react/deal with it? I'm having a little trouble adapting, so any experienced advice please ~~ Ralph
This is only hypanthia advice or opinion for me as both my children are just that 10 and 15. I Think I would be afraid for them first and foremost with out even knowing the person of their affection or personality. The predigest they would face, discrimination and the harshest reality is too many relationships are only transitory now more than ever. It seems so impossibly hard to find those relationships that can pass the test of time and endure for any of us that aren’t seen as replicable or too demanding. At 43 and devoiced now my perspective is beyond homophobia but the fear of lost lives, wasted youth, and the paradox of living anew and with a past you value and treasure but cant duplicate or dispose of as anything but grief in it‘s loss potential abandoned. That last sentence is confusing I know but I really cant break it down right now. My fear I hope then isn’t sexual preference for them but survivability and hope and love. Too be honest hedro or homosexual there just aren’t a lost of successes anymore and homosexual is even harder if that is possible not only is there all the normal problems couples face with communication and compromise, trust and faith but the added of discrimination. How would I feel, afraid for my child before I ever knew the other person they wanted or wanted them, yet no one can tell another’s heart anything anymore if we ever could to begin with. In the end it would depend I hope on who my own children became and valued and what I saw and believed in that other person in how I acted or felt about it and one another.
I DONT KNOW HOW I WOULD FEEL, EXCEPT SHOCKED ! BUT I WOULDNT ACT OUT IN A NEGATIVE FASHION BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS TAUGHT MY KID'S THAT THEY CAN BE HONEST AND TELL ME ANYTHING ! I HAVE TO KEEP MY WORD TO THEM !
Ralph, it is great that you have been honest and are seeking help to understand... This video may help you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvkd_YHlt2U Don't feel guilty about having problems understanding. Personally, I love my children unconditionally... and so long as they are happy and healthy and have a partner that loves them, I would be happy for them. xox
Oh wow… Just the subject for me… lol I am gay myself, 18, out and proud
So let me tell you about my family and how they digested my sexual orientation… Up until age 13, as a child, I’ve always felt different than anybody else, but I just had ...no idea what exactly was it that made me feel so strange in comparison to my friends and classmates. I was kind of a loner, I always kept quiet and went where no one could see me or bother me, I was always sensitive and too fragile to bare a healthy social life. When I was 13 I started teenage-hood and with it hormones, thoughts about sex… As I looked on magazines, at pictures of couples, my eyes just quickly turned to the side of the men- which was confusing and unexplainable to me at the beginning.
One day in a normal conversation between me and my mother, I just accidentally said: “I j**k off on boys’ pictures”…. She had this very excited smile- which was weird- and said to me “do you think you’re gay? Let’s talk about it”. And then she started telling me that all of the family will always be there for me no matter what, that they will accept me for who I am truly, she said that it’s perfectly natural and ok to be gay, and there was nothing wrong about it….. The first person who accepted me for being gay was her, she even accepted me before I did. And apparently, ever since I was a baby (not kidding!!!) my close family have always suspected it and “known” it, by many signs which implied I was gay- they weren’t sure and they didn’t want to get ideas in my head so they waited for me to say it. My father never ever had a problem with it, he is one of my best friends and we can talk about everything. My brother and sister were also incredibly supportive, and so is my grandmother who lives with us and is like a second mother to me. My family is the MOST important thing to me in the world, and luckily for me, it’s the most liberal, open-minded, warm and amazing family. I can’t imagine how I would go through all the pain without their support.
As a gay person I suffer from discrimination, hate, people brainwash others to make gays look like “sinners” and there is a massive propaganda of lies about the LGTB community… So yeah, it’s difficult being gay; but it’s not BEING gay that’s the hard part- the hardest part is how people react to it. As the child- although I came out pretty calmly and not by showing up with a boyfriend suddenly out of nowhere- I can tell you that the right way, without hesitation, is to love, honor, accept and embrace your child whatever he finds out he’s attracted to. It’s not like homosexuality is a choice, people are born this way, and if a parent say to their child: “it’s just a phase” or “get out of the house” or “you’re gonna burn in hell for your sins” or “you’re dead to me” (which are common reactions for most gay teens, sadly): the parent makes the most destructive step which ruins the situation, and basically says: “I don’t accept you for who you are, I don’t love YOU I only love who I want you to be”. It’s very hard for the parents too, having a gay or lesbian son and being open about it is coming out of a closet in a way, it’s a process and it takes time. Nobody would want their kid to suffer, and the common belief is that gays suffer.
But the truth is, the reason for all the pain is, that society, even in the 21st century, is still not okay with people being able to love who they just can’t help but loving…. I think a gay child should not see the “coming out” as a problem, but as a blessing, and the family should take time to realize what it means and that it’s not that terrible and not the end of the world- and everybody should give each other time to think it over…
If I would have children with my husband (luckily I’ll be even able to marry one…. =/ ), it would be a certain fear that perhaps in some way I’d effect them unintentionally and they’d turn out to be gay also, which would make me feel guilty as if it’s my fault…. But then again, it’s okay to be gay, and I’ll accept my child for who he is.
Gay teens are much more likely to commit suicide because of bullying and, very unfortunately, because of the extremely conservative closed-minded families who sees it as a curse or as an abomination. In fact, many of my friends around the world are still in the closet and are panicked by the thought of telling the truth to their parents. They’re afraid they’re gonna get kicked out, beaten and even murdered. One of my friends WAS beaten by his only family, and tried to commit suicide as well- he’s fine now, but still he lives a lie because he doesn’t have any way to be himself when his family tries to “pray the gay out” or treat it as a mental illness.
If my family can love me unconditionally, and I love them back and I am thankful for it every single morning- why can’t any other family be also??? Why is it so difficult for a parent to realize that the only job he has is to keep his child safe and let him become happy??? It’s not up to the parent to decide whether he’s Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Atheist or whatever, gay or straight or bisexual, leftist or rightist, and so on…..
So just, open up your minds, open up your hearts, open up a portal in your soul, and you’d see that being gay doesn’t make that much difference as long as you don’t let it. I am gay but it’s not ALL I AM! I am human, I have opinions, I have aspirations, I have dreams, I have love inside of me, I have a philosophical view on the world- I have a lot to give to this world, and I don’t deserve to be punished for being brought to it as I am, gay. I like men, so freaking what?!! Whoever knows me truly, understand I am worthy of living a full, happy life and fulfill my wants without being put down by bigoted bullies and liars out to get me. If you have a heart, you support your child whether gay or straight; if you want to deny that part about him- you’ll cause him/her to choose you over true love which means living a lie and have a miserable life, or lose your son/daughter because you made him/her choose between you and his/her freedom and who he/she is. And it is possible, like in my story, to not have to choose between them. Just like in Romeo & Juliet, lovers belong together, and even more so, sometimes they would even die for each other, for being together against all odds and no matter what people say about it. I hope I made you look at the subject in new perspective.
well i was hurt in shock at fristbut i love my child no matter what so i learn to live wuth iti also learn to love the girl she with.
ReplyDeleteThis is only hypanthia advice or opinion for me as both my children are just that 10 and 15. I Think I would be afraid for them first and foremost with out even knowing the person of their affection or personality. The predigest they would face, discrimination and the harshest reality is too many relationships are only transitory now more than ever. It seems so impossibly hard to find those relationships that can pass the test of time and endure for any of us that aren’t seen as replicable or too demanding. At 43 and devoiced now my perspective is beyond homophobia but the fear of lost lives, wasted youth, and the paradox of living anew and with a past you value and treasure but cant duplicate or dispose of as anything but grief in it‘s loss potential abandoned. That last sentence is confusing I know but I really cant break it down right now. My fear I hope then isn’t sexual preference for them but survivability and hope and love. Too be honest hedro or homosexual there just aren’t a lost of successes anymore and homosexual is even harder if that is possible not only is there all the normal problems couples face with communication and compromise, trust and faith but the added of discrimination. How would I feel, afraid for my child before I ever knew the other person they wanted or wanted them, yet no one can tell another’s heart anything anymore if we ever could to begin with. In the end it would depend I hope on who my own children became and valued and what I saw and believed in that other person in how I acted or felt about it and one another.
ReplyDeleteI DONT KNOW HOW I WOULD FEEL, EXCEPT SHOCKED ! BUT I WOULDNT ACT OUT IN A NEGATIVE FASHION BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS TAUGHT MY KID'S THAT THEY CAN BE HONEST AND TELL ME ANYTHING ! I HAVE TO KEEP MY WORD TO THEM !
ReplyDeleteRalph, it is great that you have been honest and are seeking help to understand... This video may help you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvkd_YHlt2U Don't feel guilty about having problems understanding. Personally, I love my children unconditionally... and so long as they are happy and healthy and have a partner that loves them, I would be happy for them. xox
ReplyDeleteOh wow… Just the subject for me… lol
ReplyDeleteI am gay myself, 18, out and proud
So let me tell you about my family and how they digested my sexual orientation… Up until age 13, as a child, I’ve always felt different than anybody else, but I just had ...no idea what exactly was it that made me feel so strange in comparison to my friends and classmates. I was kind of a loner, I always kept quiet and went where no one could see me or bother me, I was always sensitive and too fragile to bare a healthy social life. When I was 13 I started teenage-hood and with it hormones, thoughts about sex… As I looked on magazines, at pictures of couples, my eyes just quickly turned to the side of the men- which was confusing and unexplainable to me at the beginning.
One day in a normal conversation between me and my mother, I just accidentally said: “I j**k off on boys’ pictures”…. She had this very excited smile- which was weird- and said to me “do you think you’re gay? Let’s talk about it”. And then she started telling me that all of the family will always be there for me no matter what, that they will accept me for who I am truly, she said that it’s perfectly natural and ok to be gay, and there was nothing wrong about it….. The first person who accepted me for being gay was her, she even accepted me before I did. And apparently, ever since I was a baby (not kidding!!!) my close family have always suspected it and “known” it, by many signs which implied I was gay- they weren’t sure and they didn’t want to get ideas in my head so they waited for me to say it. My father never ever had a problem with it, he is one of my best friends and we can talk about everything. My brother and sister were also incredibly supportive, and so is my grandmother who lives with us and is like a second mother to me. My family is the MOST important thing to me in the world, and luckily for me, it’s the most liberal, open-minded, warm and amazing family. I can’t imagine how I would go through all the pain without their support.
As a gay person I suffer from discrimination, hate, people brainwash others to make gays look like “sinners” and there is a massive propaganda of lies about the LGTB community… So yeah, it’s difficult being gay; but it’s not BEING gay that’s the hard part- the hardest part is how people react to it. As the child- although I came out pretty calmly and not by showing up with a boyfriend suddenly out of nowhere- I can tell you that the right way, without hesitation, is to love, honor, accept and embrace your child whatever he finds out he’s attracted to. It’s not like homosexuality is a choice, people are born this way, and if a parent say to their child: “it’s just a phase” or “get out of the house” or “you’re gonna burn in hell for your sins” or “you’re dead to me” (which are common reactions for most gay teens, sadly): the parent makes the most destructive step which ruins the situation, and basically says: “I don’t accept you for who you are, I don’t love YOU I only love who I want you to be”. It’s very hard for the parents too, having a gay or lesbian son and being open about it is coming out of a closet in a way, it’s a process and it takes time. Nobody would want their kid to suffer, and the common belief is that gays suffer.
But the truth is, the reason for all the pain is, that society, even in the 21st century, is still not okay with people being able to love who they just can’t help but loving…. I think a gay child should not see the “coming out” as a problem, but as a blessing, and the family should take time to realize what it means and that it’s not that terrible and not the end of the world- and everybody should give each other time to think it over…
ReplyDeleteIf I would have children with my husband (luckily I’ll be even able to marry one…. =/ ), it would be a certain fear that perhaps in some way I’d effect them unintentionally and they’d turn out to be gay also, which would make me feel guilty as if it’s my fault…. But then again, it’s okay to be gay, and I’ll accept my child for who he is.
Gay teens are much more likely to commit suicide because of bullying and, very unfortunately, because of the extremely conservative closed-minded families who sees it as a curse or as an abomination. In fact, many of my friends around the world are still in the closet and are panicked by the thought of telling the truth to their parents. They’re afraid they’re gonna get kicked out, beaten and even murdered. One of my friends WAS beaten by his only family, and tried to commit suicide as well- he’s fine now, but still he lives a lie because he doesn’t have any way to be himself when his family tries to “pray the gay out” or treat it as a mental illness.
If my family can love me unconditionally, and I love them back and I am thankful for it every single morning- why can’t any other family be also??? Why is it so difficult for a parent to realize that the only job he has is to keep his child safe and let him become happy??? It’s not up to the parent to decide whether he’s Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Atheist or whatever, gay or straight or bisexual, leftist or rightist, and so on…..
So just, open up your minds, open up your hearts, open up a portal in your soul, and you’d see that being gay doesn’t make that much difference as long as you don’t let it. I am gay but it’s not ALL I AM! I am human, I have opinions, I have aspirations, I have dreams, I have love inside of me, I have a philosophical view on the world- I have a lot to give to this world, and I don’t deserve to be punished for being brought to it as I am, gay. I like men, so freaking what?!! Whoever knows me truly, understand I am worthy of living a full, happy life and fulfill my wants without being put down by bigoted bullies and liars out to get me. If you have a heart, you support your child whether gay or straight; if you want to deny that part about him- you’ll cause him/her to choose you over true love which means living a lie and have a miserable life, or lose your son/daughter because you made him/her choose between you and his/her freedom and who he/she is. And it is possible, like in my story, to not have to choose between them. Just like in Romeo & Juliet, lovers belong together, and even more so, sometimes they would even die for each other, for being together against all odds and no matter what people say about it.
I hope I made you look at the subject in new perspective.
With love and hope, Eden ♥ ♥ ♥