I get so sick 'n' tired of being sick 'n' tired of the so call Fathers who use this excuse...amph (let me clear my throat, so you can understand the words that are coming out of my mouth)...you know I had to right....okay, but back to what I was saying....LOL....
The lame excuse we mothers often hear the fathers tell the child/children is, “I didn't come around to pick you up, see you or visit you, because of your mom”...WTH??? Is that what some of you all do to try to get back in the child/childrens good graces? Father's will often tell the child/children , “I can't stand her or I don't like her or we didn't/don't get along” etc, etc...Now look-a-here; I don't think you all were saying that when you were behind close doors saying woo-woo, woo-woo woo. Listen, you may be able to get away with that on your first child, but when YOU have a another baby by someone else and they say the same darn thing excuse me, excuse me let me once again clear my throat!!! WHAT is that saying about YOU as a father? In my best Arsenio Hall voice... “one of the questions that make you go hmmmmmmmm?????”
Father's you have a right to see your child/children NO MATTER WHAT!!! I don't care if she is just shy of whatever coo-coo's nest you say she flew from or if she is just complete 51/50. You are NOT obligated to deal with nor carry on a side relationship with the mother, but you ARE obligated to do right by your child/children period point blank, that's it 'n' that's all...There are laws in place that not even a mother can cross...right is right and wrong is wrong.... If you can lay up to make a baby, then take time out and think with the right head this go around to know as well as learn your rights. STOP with all the excuses and exercise your rights to do right by your child/children or what's in the BEST interest of the child/children....Any guy can make a baby all day everyday, but it takes a MAN to stand up and be that child's daddy AND father......you better know it!!
The measure of a man is his FAMILY....even his child/children who may not live in the same home with him.....xoxo
Hey ladies.... Now fair is fair, so I'm getting ready to speak my peace about us like it or not..You either love it or hate it, but it is what it is, so here we go. I get so sick 'n' tired of being sick 'n' tired of the so call Mothers who use this excuse and you know I cleared my throat for this one... “ (with my hands on hip like some of you often do with the head going every which way but at a stand still) he ain't paying me no money/child support to see “my” child” or “he has another *itch so *uck him and that ho, ho, ho” in my best-est best Santa Claus voice...LOL ...just trying to lift the mood...
Look, rather you like it or not the word is “OUR” children NOT “my” gosh-be-darn-it! Go into court if you want to with that mess and a REAL judge will correct you right off the top as he/she should!! I watch my court shows, let alone seen it at first hand when my ex-husband believe it or not tried to utilize that “my” mess in court. That judge ripped him a whole new a$$hole, and he NO longer sings “my my my, my my my” in my best Johnny Gill singing voice.... Nevertheless, so what if he has someone else!!! What in tar-nation does that have to do with your child/children seeing “THEIR” father?? If your child is in harms way then deal with it in court, put it on paper if that's the issue at hand! If you say it's as bad as it is, then a judge would have no problem adhering to your case and giving the father “LIMITED" or "SUPERVISED” visitation or even “NONE” at all right??? or is it YOU just being selfish or hurt from the outcome??? I understand mama's baby, daddy's maybe, but some of us take it too far off the Richter scale.
Mothers you DO NOT have a right to keep the child/children away from their father for a non justified reason and NO we are not speaking of being justified by you based on hurt/mixed emotions or even jealousy swaying your decision. Children grow up and ask questions and when that famous question arises “why didn't you let me see my father”...ummmm what lie or excuse are you going to give??? I'm just saying... A child/children are NOT pawns for you to dangle when you see fit just because YOU gave birth. If you're in doubt of your child/children being with their father; then you should have gave that more thought before laying down and opening up your lips to say ahhhhhhh....
Proverbs 31:28 Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also and he praise her..(in this case her child's father)..Be that Virtuous Woman your child/children see........xoxo
I have to say I agree with this post and the reason why I agree is because this was me long time ago with my 1st son. I played the game, because I was hurt and young. Now that I have my 2nd child now married for 5 years and one on the way I can see that now. I would play every game possible with the far to keep him from seeing his child and I was wrong. My son began asking questions and I began to run out of lies and excuses as you stated here. I have since mended old wounds and my sons father and I are friends and sure I can not turn back time, but they have a very close relationship and I'm so happy for them.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from a mans point of view this is on point.I hate when women play games when it comes to the kids especially mines. I had to play it and a few partners of mine went through the same bull. When does it end ladies you feel me?
ReplyDeleteI think woman who play this game are very immature and the fathers who use this excuse are sperm donors to say the least.
ReplyDeleteWell, my kids father isn't in my home and the a**hole refusing to bond with his boys so I replaced his sorry a**. Now if the father is doing his thing then I applaud him. I do not keep him from them I actually go out of my way to try to make visits possible, but the MF is a deadbeat!!!!!!
ReplyDeletemy commit was to long to post here so posted it on facebook link.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous...If you don't mind I edited your post with asterisk symbol in regards to what the page is designed for.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm sure you already know that you or we mothers can NOT make a father do his part with his own child/children. I'm not at all saying you are doing this...just speaking in general if you will... Oh, and kudos for you for moving on with your life... ;-D
I will say that if he doesn't want to step up to the plate to do his job as a father...kids grow up and in this day 'n' time they grow up quick....boy oh boy oh my...
I'm sure a time will come when he'll want to be in his boys lives or he will need to depend on them in his old age. Rather they forgive him and move forward or keep him in the dark ages of time...The choice will be theirs in the end. You just do what you're doing and keep the door open to allow him in so that you don't block your blessings.
From experience I will tell any mother going through, DO NOT or STOP making excuses for the absent fathers and by all means stop trying. You can't move your mountain and his...He has to figure that out sooner if not later...
Take care and keep doing you with your boys..have a great week...;-D
I believe that both parent should work together for the best interest of their child. I think men don't get a fair stake in raising their kids, the way the court system is set up. Some women (alot) abuse the family court system. The reason I know - it happen with my brother an one of his children. An I am a female. but some women use there children as weapons against the Father because they must still have some feeling towards the ex. Therefore, they make the fathers lives miserable and the child by denying them time spent with the father. The court should stop leting the people who abuse the system getting a way with what they do. The man is suppose to be the head of the family even if they are not with the mother of there child.
ReplyDeleteI believe California has improved over the years and the courts are now designed to do what's in the "best interest of the children". correct me if I'm wrong, but I am pretty sure California is also a state who believes the child should be with their mother. Meaning that a mother can be on drugs, a prostitute etc and as long as she seeks the right professional treatment, the courts will give the mother her children back, so the father will only have temporary custody. A father would really have to prove the mother as unfit and have every i dotted, and every t crossed if he is trying to get full custody of the kid.
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ReplyDeleteOut of all the topic’s this can be the one I am most conflicted over yet. It will seem as a rant but if you read through to the end I will try to tie it all together. As a single Dad I would agree even if I didn’t raise my kids alone that parents never should stop being parents. Yet when one parent alone chooses to abandon the marriage, vows and family value they harm more than anyone alone. They undermined stability to begin with, in the children and promote trust issues especially when they “move on” with someone else. Issues of adultery and abuse both emotional as well as physical play out and effect more than the intended target of wanted retaliation or self gratification but wash over everyone especially the children.
This question omits the grey areas that all “good (devoted) Parents” when should any parent be considered no longer fit to be a parent, when does personal bias’s stop being the motivation and the effect in harm and neglect become the real issues about the kids? I face that question repeatedly in the last 4 years about our children’s mother, in time their actions define them and as they said in Forest Gump, “Stupid is, as stupid does.” Selfish is as selfish does. The unkind truth is we don’t see context or act/result and act of being a parent is as much a privilege as a responsibility and must be earned repeatedly in my honest opinion daily and be seen by our kids as acts of hope and faith they can rely on that their lives have more meaning than the byproduct of their parents wants. Too many see children as property especially women then and now, equal parts of them being immature children unready to make choice on their own, maternal berthing and biology presets the mentality because they predominately came from them they have a biological claim to them as property foremost(the 9 months gestation). In the process in many divorces the children are more than dehumanized as people but seen or treated as property by men and even women as well, used as a means to manipulate or retaliate for the betrayal one parent feels about the other traditionally the perpetrator of those betrayals of trust has been men, with the last few decades equality and opportunity for women’s rites those scale are shifting at last in more than good ways but the bad as well, more than in the workplace but in immorality and self gratification and selfishness. The old roles of women and men juxtapose and now with greater frequency and opportunities comes the same hazards men have failed in to chose wisely for self indulgence and instant gratification women now make those same mistakes equally.
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ReplyDeleteAs yet my best opinion is still extreme and maybe old fashion that is to stay (make it work )or leave (spouse and children), more than the spouse but the family and even the kids (mostly if they are very young, older makes it imposable to sever every tie with a spouse). The ping pong tear’s kids apart emotionally and mentally in this day and age and worst of all imbed our children with a likeminded option to continue a similar mentality/cycle both in enabling the parents and enevatabley impregnated our children with the same mind sets, that self reliance/independence become mantras and the reality is only mistrust is taught and inhibits them from the compromise need to manage any long term relationships. Terms like family values/structure have become basterized into meanings as ambiguous as love or hate left open ended to any interpretation and do nothing as to communicate to one another virtue or integrity or likeminded. If you, I or any chose to end a marriage and family for “self interest” we walk a fine line to ever ask for anyone trust or commitment to us again even our children. This is an opinion not a absolute, there are exceptions! I am not saying all relationships that produce children are marriages by default. Yet when people chose to have and raise kids together and ask for that life commitment from one another and chose to teach our children that is a value, create a family to be a part of something greater than our self, our lives no longer are our ours exclusively and we must surrender some choices as an option again, we or they reneged on that commitment we send a very mixed message tour kids who were have years of being taught one thing only to have it changes because one parent wants that option to reprioritize their life as they see fit. In this context I personally have bias’s because of my own situation , I still ask what level of involvement if any should they still be a part of their children’s lives, I want them both kids and mother to heal and yet I still see a want for enablement and validation more important than even our children’s needs to them?
Can a father or mother be a parent after divorce, I think the real answer is found in why the family failed and is that parent mature enough to be a parent that won’t confuse their children and do more damage than good to everyone? If any have a sure way to tell when anyone will change or not I would love to know it? How many chances would you want someone to give you to change?
Awesome post and I totally agree! It's nothing short of selfish for either parent to deprive the child of the love of the other parent, or to not do his or her part because of the other parent. You made your bed, now lay in it!
ReplyDeleteIf you can't tell that someone is a deadbeat when you meet them then what does that say about you?
ReplyDelete@C.N.M. If we all could figure that out then the vast majority of us would not be in the situation that we're in. I think that was just something that just fell out your mouth just because. smh @ you.
ReplyDeleteI love it I love it I love it!! when I posted this on my page my son mother went off!! See when fingers get the pointing in the other direction NO ONE likes it!, but yet it's so easy to blame the MAN for all the problems and I do mean ALL. When you can't pay your bills, when your car is broken, when you need a brake and your all by your self is only when you wants the mans help. I blame the GOV. for the why this family's are today we see it and yet we do not one thing about it. Look around the majority of crime that happens today is done by your kids that both parents aren't in their live. We as patents needs to change this.
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